Love Without Dancing
by magnetosdaughter
Summary: Like all little girls Jean wanted to be a ballerina when she grew up, something the men in her life may not understand. There comes a time in each girl's life to set aside dreams ans childhood loves.
1. Love Without Dancing

**Title:** Love Without Dancing

**Fandom: **X-Men, Movieverse

**Pairings: **Erik&Jean, Scott/Jean

**Additional Characters: **Charles, Henry, Ororo

**Rating:** PG

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Author's Note:** This story is in two parts, the first not long after Jean first came to Xavier's school and the second about 12 years later when Scott and Jean's romantic relationship is in its infancy.

x x x

"Mr. Lensherr?" Erik looked up from the newspaper he was reading. "Did you always want to be a teacher when you grew up?" He smiled and lowering the paper, beckoned the girl over to him.

"I'll tell you a secret, Jean." She leaned in toward him as he lowered his voice. "I don't really want to be a teacher _now_."

"Well, what did you want to be then?" She asked. Erik watched her eyes twinkle while he contemplated the question. When he was very young he wanted to be a doctor, like his father; but after the camps he'd simply wanted power.

"I don't remember." He finally answered. He could tell Jean didn't believe him and attempted to turn the attention on her. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"A ballerina." Erik raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Or a biochemist."

"Much better."

"There's nothing wrong with being a ballerina." He chuckled and started to raise his newspaper but she continued. "Have you ever seen _The Red Shoes_?"

"I don't recall."

"My mother showed it to me. I think it was supposed to be a message about how a gift can be a curse..." Jean's voice trailed off as she noticed Erik's expression. "That's not important," she rushed on, "It's a movie about a ballet. The story of the movie and the story of the ballet echo each other."

"How clever."

"You should watch it, you'd like it." Erik placed the newspaper aside again.

"And why is that?"

"There are three important characters. The ballerina, the composer and the ballet manager. It's kind of a love triangle. The ballerina has to choose between love without dancing or dancing without love." As she spoke Jean did a little dance of her own. Erik smiled despite himself.

"I'm afraid I've never had much interest in fairy tales or romance." Jean stopped dancing.

"It's not a fairy tale. It's really sad, the ballerina kills herself."

"Why?"

"Because she can't choose. She wants everything." Jean was clearly identifying with this character.

"I see why it's a favorite of yours." Erik acknowledged. "I do not see why I would like it."

"Lermontov - that's the manager - he's my favorite character. He's really mean but it's because the ballet is so important to him. And the ballerina represents everything he wants and everything he loves. He's devastated by her death, just as much as her husband, maybe more. He makes them dance her ballet without her." She stopped and held his gaze a moment, then blushing slightly she danced away. He watched her go, the newspaper forgotten. She paused at the doorway and turned back. "Will you watch it with me?" The confidence she usually carried like a shroud was missing and she seemed very young. Erik nodded.

"It's a date." Jean smiled and twirled away.

x x x

"I have a delivery for _Doctor _Jean Grey!" Jean turned to find Scott holding a dozen roses out toward her.

"Scott! You shouldn't have."

"What? You don't graduate from medical school every day you know." Jean shook her head. "Anyway, I'm not the only one celebrating. 'Ro's downstairs putting up a banner and the Professor has something special planned. And this just arrived, too." He put the roses aside to reveal a small package. Jean smiled and took both the flowers and the package from him. She set the box down and went looking for a vase. Scott picked the box back up and followed. He caught up with her in the kitchen. "Hey, aren't you going to open it?"

"Who's it from?" asked Jean, pulling down a glass vase and filling it with water.

"I don't know, there's no return address." Scott took the filled vase from her and held out the package. "I want to know who your secret admirer is." He explained with a smile. Jean took the proffered box and nodded to the flowers. Scott started to cut the tips off the stems and place them in the vase as Jean removed the brown paper to reveal a black satin box. She lifted the lid to find a pair of red ballet shoes.

"So, what is it?" asked Scott, finished with the flowers.

"Ballet slippers." Jean answered quietly.

"Ballet slippers?" Scott repeated. He peered into the box, the bright red shoes seemed almost alive amidst the black satin. "Why?" She didn't answer, didn't really seem to hear him. "Jean?" She still didn't answer. "Who are they from? Is there a card?" He looked through the brown paper but she didn't expect him to find a card. She continued to stare at the gift. Scott watched, worried. "Are you okay?" Jean turned away from the shoes, her troubled expression disappeared when she saw Scott's concern.

"I'm fine." She said. "Didn't you say there was a celebration somewhere?" Scott grinned.

"In your honor. Allow me to escort you, Dr. Grey." He handed her the vase of roses with a slight bow and led her out of the kitchen. Ororo Munroe, Charles Xavier and Henry McCoy were in the living room. A brightly colored banner, hung above the fireplace, read "Congratulations Jean!". Jean smiled, she imagined Scott and Ororo would have wanted a larger gathering, but Charles realized she'd prefer to celebrate with only her closest friends. Jean wasn't shy but large gatherings of unguarded people could play havoc with her telepathy. Charles handed her a letter from her parents. Ororo, Henry and Scott gave her various office supplies so she wasn't entirely surprised when Charles' gift was a newly remodeled office space beside the laboratory. The four helped her set everything up, Henry even moved the banner. Jean sat in her desk chair and grinned, she was proud of her accomplishments and happy with her friends. Then Scott dropped the black box on the desk in front of her.

"Don't forget this." He smiled, completely missing Jean's haunted expression.

"What is it?" asked Henry. Scott opened the lid.

"Ballet shoes. Somebody sent them to Jean." Ororo peered into the box.

"Oh, red shoes. Like in the movie."

"That's right!" Scott turned back to Jean. "That awful movie you made me watch."

"Awful?" Repeated Jean. Scott shrugged.

"I don't like the ending."

"You don't understand the ending." Scott was confused by her harsh tone.

"Hey, I just mean...I want her to be happy with the composer guy. Love should...be enough."

"Why do you see yourself in _everything_?" Jean responded angrily.

"But...you're the one that said...I.." Scott stumbled over the words, unsure what exactly he'd said wrong in the first place. Ororo exchanged glances with Henry, both feeling somewhat uncomfortable witnessing this exchange. Charles was distracted by the gift itself. Jean caught Scott's hurt expression and shook her head.

"I'm sorry." She said contritely. "It's one of my favorite movies but you don't have to like it." She smiled and touched Scott's arm. "Is it time for cake?" Scott nodded, accepting the change of subject.

"I'll go get it ready." She nodded and he left, Ororo and Henry followed. Jean looked back to the red shoes, not sure what she should do with them.

"Why did he send these Jean?" Charles asked her. She turned to her mentor flustered, she'd forgotten he was there. Charles' expression was kind but piercing. She knew he wanted access to her thoughts but she wasn't ready to share them and closed her mind, answering aloud.

"It's not a message, Charles. It's just a gift."

"His gifts...are often both." He countered.

"What do you think the message is then?" She asked, exasperated.

"I think it's more important to know what _you_ think the message is." She met his eyes.

"We were supposed to watch the movie together - it really is one of my favorite movies. But we never did." She looked at the shoes. "Maybe it means he finally watched it. Maybe he understands what I was talking about."

"The way Scott doesn't?"

"Yes. No!" Jean glared at the professor. "I didn't say that."

"No, you didn't." Charles agreed. Jean felt her irritation fade, replaced by a loneliness she hadn't allowed herself to feel in years.

"Maybe it just means he hasn't forgotten me after all."

"Would you like that?"

"Of course I would!" She snapped again. Then as quickly as it had come her anger disappeared. She felt deflated.

"Jean...I've been hearing things. I fear there will come a time when Erik Lensherr is our enemy. I...I just need to know you understand that." She met his eyes again and nodded. A moment passed, then Xavier turned to the door. "I'll let Scott know you're on your way." He left her alone with her thoughts.

Jean picked up one of the red shoes. She heard her own words echo in her memory. _He's really mean but it's because the ballet is so important to him. And the ballerina represents everything he wants and everything he loves._ She moved gracefully, trying to remember the little dance she'd done that day, so long ago, but she couldn't. She replaced the shoe in the box and closed the lid. With resolve she placed the box in the bottom drawer of the desk and walked to the door.

Scott was just entering. "The Professor told me to leave you alone, but I was worried about you." He said apologetically. She impulsively embraced him.

"I'm glad." She said. "I'm sorry. This evening has been so lovely and I -"

"Shh," he said, "it doesn't matter. Let's go have some cake." He steered her down the hall. "'Ro thinks I should give that movie a second chance." He spun her around. "Especially if you're going to take up dance again?" She shook her head at his unasked question.

"No," she replied. "The shoes don't fit anymore." She kissed him on the cheek and walked away. Their friends were waiting, all hoping love would be enough after all.

Fin.


	2. Author's Notes

A/N: Normally I don't add too many Author's Notes, preferring to let the story speak for itself. But I was playing with a couple different ideas with this story and I actually have a lot to say about it. **Please feel free to ignore this.**

1) Scott is rather bumbling but remember that this is early on in their liaison. They've known each other for ages but their romance is new. Also, Scott is at least 5 years younger than Jean - if she's 25, he's 20 and 20 year old men are not exactly known for their compassion.

2) But, though he didn't like it or understand it, Scott did watch the movie with her and Erik never took the time. That simple fact speaks volumes about her relationship with each man.

3) Little Jean had a crush on Mr. Lensherr. Why wouldn't she? He's smug, superior, arrogant, suave, handsome in that older gentleman way, super powerful, a snappy dresser, shall we say 'magnetic'? - and he's not afraid of her, perhaps the only such person she's encountered in her young life. So he was both a mentor/father figure and her first crush. And he left her. That's the kind of hurt that you never fully get over.

4) Older Jean might seem a bit Bipolar. My idea was that when she starts to feel, shall we say, "dark" emotions they get suppressed by the mental blocks Charles set up and he and Jean cultivated over the years. I don't mean that she can't feel or express these emotions (that would be really inhuman of Charles and I don't think he meant to hurt her at all). It's like she's on strong anti-depressants/anti-psychotics...when you are thusly medicated all your emotions and particularly ones such as anger or sadness are muted (so they become "manageable").

It is perhaps an odd little story.


End file.
